My Own Health Was Not My Priority
It took me 6 years to conceive my first child.
At the time, my job meant more than just livelihood to me. Through my work, I was trying to prove “something.”
I took pride in not taking breaks. I charged my system with cups after cups of caffeine, and when I got home, I relaxed with wine.
There is something wrong if you have to rely on caffeine throughout the day to achieve your daily goals, and on alcohol to relax at night. But that was just what I was doing.
I should have gotten sick before I got to that point. But my body and mind were in such a constant fight-or-flight mode that I felt nothing.
It All Boiled Down To Insecurity
I love my parents from the bottom of my heart, but growing up, their love came with conditions. I had to bring stellar reports from school to merit their affection. And unfortunately, I kept doing well in school, which reinforced my belief each day that I am lovable only because of my academic performance.
I used to be a small-built, timid girl, and was often bullied by older kids. Being a good student gave me comfort, because I could tell myself that I was “better than those bullies” because of my academic capabilities.
Feel insecure, work hard. Feel insecure, work hard. Repeat. The pattern continued well into my 30’s.
You Are Worthy No Matter What – So Slow Down.
If this resonates with anyone at all, I would like to tell you: You are worthy. You are enough, just by being you. You don’t need to prove anything to the world. You are loved, no matter what. So hug yourself tight…and start taking care of yourself.